May 012016
 

Ok, starting from scratch today.

The other week I went to the doctor for a checkup. I mentioned I was having difficulty losing weight and asked him for something. He gave me something all right. This pill he gave me sucks. It makes me nervous, keeps me awake at night, gives me cotton mouth, and other side effects. Yes, I have been less hungry, so it does that but it is a stimulant of the nervous system as well. Because of lack of sleep I have also been really tired as well. I don’t know if I can keep on taking this pill because of what it is doing to me, or take it less often. Weight loss has been a struggle for me. I started off a few years ago at 230, got down to just below 200 and then gained it back in the last few months. I have bad knees and ankles, so doing anything like running or the like is very difficult for me and even with all the walking I do, it still causes my knees to hurt badly. I just wish I could lose 100 lbs and be done with it.

I keep on changing the things I eat. Lately it is my usual breakfast of tostada con tomatoe y avocado, a cup of coffee and unsweetened soy milk. Lunch and dinner during my work week is salads with a fat free dressing, my mixed nuts (dry almonds, pumpkin seeds, chia seeds, and flax seeds) about ¼ cup of that, a kiwi or two or banana, and usually a thing of peanut butter crackers or nature bar, and a couple of schweppes lemon lime soda water. Hopefully eating more salad helps me lose this belly.

I have also been suffering from Tennis elbow the last month or so and everytime I bump my elbow it worsens it. Yesterday was a particularly bad day for me.

I am excited that Game of Thrones is back on, problem is I work when it is on, so to keep from spoilers, no social media after it has started until after I watched the episode the next morning. I wish it was on HBO go by the time I get home from work to watch it, but no such luck. I have to sleep on it. Is Jon Snow revived yet? When are the dragons going to raise hell on the night walkers? When will I see Brandon again? All these questions!!

I don’t know if I mentioned this or not but I have been getting back into waze. I spend way too long editing maps again, way too much time. I told myself an hour a day and here I am spending 4+ hours. There is better use of my time. Shame! Shame! Shame! I need to use that time watching itpro.tv and learning for further education. I am tired of this dead end job. I have been here 5 years. No raise, no nothing. Just a tool and a fool.

I miss the beach. I miss Florida and I miss Spain. I really need to get the fuck out of Oklahoma. I hate it here. I hate the commute, I hate the cold and snow, and I hate living out in the middle of nowhere. I really need to work on getting myself in shape to get out of there. I have a house of stuff I need to go through and get rid of stuff. I should have started months ago, now that things are warming up it would be a great time to do so.

The other day I had to reinstall the rom on my phone. It was running really slow and the GPS was going squirrely, so it was time. It sucks to have to redo all the apps and settings, and it takes a lot of time. I have it mostly done, there are a few apps I have yet to login to and get reset up, the main ones are done though.

I also have some car work to do, rear brakes, and I think it is time to change my spark plugs and wires, because it drives kind of funny when I accelerate. I also have to change the oil. I did recently replace the speakers, it was time. One of the speakers that was in there had a big hole and tear in it and the rears weren’t working at all. I need to troubleshoot to see why the sub isn’t working. Hopefully it is something easy and not expensive.

Ok, I think that is it for today. We will see what tomorrow brings.

  
Mar 072016
 

So right now my main computer is down. I bought an all in one cooler for it and despite doing a bunch of research to make sure it would fit, it doesn’t. I spent $100 on it, so it isn’t like I want to return it. The radiator is too small, and the holes don’t’ match up. So I am working on making brackets to attach to the case and to the radiator. Been working on drilling holes and stuff to make it fit. I need to get back up soon. I have videos that I need to edit and other tasks that only it can handle. Hopefully I can get it all back up soon. It has been down for way too long now. I might take pictures of the box later.

There is so much that I want to put down in paper, but I don’t give myself enough time to be able to do so. So much that I need to let out, to see in black and white. I need to start dictating it to my phone and let google do the hard work I guess.

Yesterday I talked about my diet problems. I am trying to get a hold on this. Today I ate my normal breakfast of half a demibaguette toasted with shredded tomato, avocado, olive oil and sea salt. I also had coffee with chocolate soy milk, and a banana Lunch was some dal and potato curry I made myself, I also had 10 peanut butter crackers, A salad with organic sugar free dressing, a lemon lime sparkling water and a coke zero. Once I am done with this pack of coke I need to stop buying it. I know the artificial sweetener is hurting. Breakfast usually doesn’t change much, sometimes I have fruit, but not usually. I used to be really good in eating fruit, I need to get back into eating much more fruit, and nuts as well. That might be another part of my problem.

Current Music: The Young Turks
  
Mood : happytired
Music : The Young Turks
Mar 052016
 

I really need to get off of my sugar addiction. I have been trying to lose weight for a couple years now. At my lowest was in 2015 I weighed 199 lbs. When I started I was 235. I am around there again now (I haven’t weighed myself in 2 weeks). I am afraid I might even be more. The sugar has me. I can’t eat just one portion, can’t eat just one cookie. I need to start buying fruit and not sweets when I have those grocery store runs. I want to be 135 again. Why can’t I control my urges? I am fucking way the fuck out of control. I bought 4 boxes of thin mints last week, all gone by The. I will eat a box of ice cream sandwiches, a pint of ice cream, I will eat 3 packages of pop tarts in one day. I have to stop bringing money to work, have to stop this.

I don’t know how much I will write about my diet, but I really need to lose weight and I think it is necessary for me to put it on paper, if I dare call myself out on this shit. That is the problem, denial, guilt, needing to change, but not actually changing. Putting it off, saying I will start tomorrow, next week, no next week, and then it is two months and 10 lbs later.

I have a fitbit and mostly log my foods on myfitnesspal. I need to be a lot more honest in my logging though. I am only hurting myself otherwise.

Current Music: twit.tv
  
Mood : happydetermined
Music : twit.tv
Apr 012010
 

I have had a recurring dream the last few days or so. I am at a strange airport with some friends (who I don’t know) waiting for my layover which I know is at least 6 and a half hours. Everyone decides to go their separate way and I run into a friend, (who was not a part of the original group) Jewel. It was weird running into her because she didn’t know I was going to be there (I think) and she had her own agenda and was on a long layover too. (maybe overnight or weather related or because that is how airlines like to fuck us). Anyway we are both surprised to see each other and hug and decide to hang out. We end up somewhere on those airport chairs and are resting. I am slouching on the chair and she is resting her head and chest on my shoulder, neck, and chest with her hand on my chest as well. That is all I can remember of it. I remember how nice it was.

I put my self on the scale today and I have lost nine pounds since the end of Jan. I am glad I am still on the losing track, however I was hoping to lose a bit more by now. I am still doing pretty good on everything. A little slip here and there, but that happens.

My house has felt so empty since Tammy left. I can still see and smell remnants of her being here, and I remember all her girl things (lotions, sprays, soaps) . It definitely makes me realize how lonely I am and how much I am missing out on life and a partner with having someone stay with you a week and then suddenly disappear. We aren’t even dating and there wasn’t sex involved and I am so pathetic over her visiting. I am pathetic. I don’t even know why I allow myself to get this way since I am such a gross specimen of a man. Anyway…

Another thing I can’t stop getting out of my head is how we were treated at Sublime. The hostess was snotty, same with the waitress. And when we went into the retail area of the restaurant (after I had already dropped a bill on dinner) Tammy noticed that they were both looking at us and watching us, then they continued to look and watch when we went to the bar to pay for the things we picked up which I noticed when the bartender was adding up our stuff. I put my displeasure on the Sublime fb page but it has since been removed without any response from them. So that makes things even more bitter in my mouth for them. I guess if I want to eat at an all vegan restaurant again, instead of driving 5 hours I will have to go to DC.

  
Mood : happylonely
Music : Ministry
 Posted by at 8:07 pm
Feb 162010
 

Twenty one days until I am on vacation! A couple of my friends from Oklahoma are coming down to visit me. I can’t wait! Hopefully I can get the house in order before they get here. I spent another weekend throwing away and consolidating and cleaning. So much done and so much to go. I need to start planning on what to do and see whilest they are here too. Beach for sure. Eating, not sure what else. Maybe Busch Gardens?

I am still working on losing weight. I have had a bit of a set back, but still losing, so that is what counts.

I bought things like sheets and stuff for my friends visits and one of the things I bought was mattress pads. I did a search on Amazon for queen mattress pads and found one for a really good price. Well I got them and they turned out to be full, the listing said full too but I didn’t pay attention to it. So I guess I am going to have to ebay the things.

  
Mood : happycalm
Tv : olympics
 Posted by at 10:10 pm
Feb 022010
 

I have lost 6.4 lbs so far. There was a couple of days that I gained, but today I lost it all and some. I am doing pretty well so far. All I have done to lose is portion control, not eating right before bed, stop eating those cookie things at work and that is pretty much it.

This weekend I spent the majority of it cleaning and getting rid of things. I went through three boxes of computer wires and got rid of a garbage bag and a half of it. I also bought a orginiser thing and put them in it. I have my closet mostly cleaned out. I have a couple of piles of things I need to go through again and put in a container and then it will be ready to move my computer cases in it. I have thrown away so much stuff and I am sure there will be a lot more to throw away as well. Even though I have done a lot of work, my house is a mess from pushing out a lot of stuff from the closet. I have about 35 days until my friends come down to visit. Hopefully I will get it all done soon. I do feel like I have accomplished a lot even though it just doesn’t look like it. I think I can, I think I can….

  
Mood : happycalm
Music : Tear Garden - The Running Man
Tv : How its made
 Posted by at 7:49 pm
Jan 232010
 

I forgot to add that I replaced my drivers side mirror yesterday. It was very easy. Took me less than 10 minutes. The hardest part was putting it in with the rain guard thing I have on.

When I got home last night I made a big batch of Asian inspired soup with tofu, barley, lentils, veggies, soy sauce, five spice powder, garlic, curry, and a teaspoon of toasted sesame seed oil. It turned out pretty tasty. I know there are lots of carbs in the lentils and barley, but I think nutritionally it is better than bread, and there is little oil and salt in it. Hopefully it will balance things out. I am trying to make myself feel full with all the fiber in there. I found a good website called nutritiondata.com that I think will help me track what I am eating. Problem is coming up with the recipe that I created since I used a couple of frozen mixed veggies packages mixed up together.

According to the scale I lost half a pound. I am not real excited about it because it could just be water, so we will see how the next few readings are.

  
Mood : happyblah
Music : Three 6 Mafia - Act Like You Know Me
 Posted by at 9:11 pm
Jan 222010
 

Ok so the diet has begun. Hopefully I will have enough willpower to stick with it. I need to start walking during lunch as well, but I am so far pretty weary of it since my lunch is when most of the people at work are leaving and I don’t want to get run over by them. I need to think about this, and think about alternatives. I have definitely gained weight since I have last tried this. By about 15 lbs. I need to lose at least 100 lbs to go back to my pre Brighthouse days. I uploaded the xml to google docs and then recreated the charts. Now I can put my progress on the interweb for everyone to see, so now that will be more motivation for me.

So last night when I got home I found out that Kim is also coming down to visit. She isn’t staying on the same days as Tammy, she is coming down a couple of days before, and I had to take off a couple of extra days to be able to get ready and then pick her up at the airport. I still need to think about things to do while they are here. Anyone have any ideas?

  
Mood : happycalm
Tv : King of the Hill
 Posted by at 10:07 pm
Jan 212010
 

So it is time for me to start a diet again. I am not sure how much I weigh, but I know I have gained some over the last couple of months. There are things that are hard to do anymore, and I think that my back problems have a lot to do with the excess around the belly. I have to take a close look at my diet and figure out what I need to do to try to reduce. I do know I eat a lot of carbs, so reducing my carb intake will be key. Also eating late at night is not helping either. I also need to stop buying the cookies during break. Those three things will help me. Oh, and portion control. I eat way too much food. I need to try to eat more foods that are filling instead of eating eight cups of something. I am going to start tomorrow, although today I didn’t buy the cookies or eat anything for dinner. I need to cut down a lot in my sweets consumption. That and carbs will be my biggest things. I need to figure out what I can eat when I get home and feel hungry. Maybe a no fat soup with veggies in it or something. I am looking for help and suggestions for those of you who have tackled this and kept it off. Remember I am vegan so although I can do an atkins like diet (which I will be doing anyway) the meats will be fake like meats. I need to do fruits for snacks for work I guess.

I do have an old spreadsheet I used to chart my progress years ago. I need to see if I can find that again and then see if it will port into google docs because I want to track it online, maybe if it is public it will be more motivation for me to do it. Plus Tammy is coming in March too, so maybe losing a bit of weight and getting in shape would help as well. I also need to clean house. A lot. I am running out of time and need to motivate myself to do that.

My mirror for my car came today as well as the present from my mom. I need to find the pliers to replace the mirror tomorrow morning. I need to start waking up early every day to clean and throw away.

Anyway, I need to do this. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…

  
Mood : happyworried
 Posted by at 7:51 pm
Apr 152008
 

It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important.
– Martin Luther King Jr.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
– Fred Allen
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
– Abraham Lincoln

Color temp: 6500K
Brightness: about 33%
Contrast: about 75%
tint:middle
color: about 33%
Noise reduction: off

* Press the {MENU} button on the TV.
* Press simultaneously the {SOURCE} {VOL-} {CH-} buttons on the TV.
* The Service Menu will be displayed.
* Press the {MENU} button to exit.

#2 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* Press the {MENU} button on the TV.
* Press simultaneously the {SOURCE} & {CH+} buttons on the TV.
or
Press simultaneously the {SOURCE} & {CH -} buttons on the TV.

* The Service Menu will be displayed.
* Press the {SOURCE} button to exit.

#3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* Press the {MENU} button on the TV.
* Press simultaneously the {SOURCE} & {VOL+} buttons on the TV.
or
Press simultaneously the {SOURCE} & {VOL -} buttons on the TV.

* The Service Menu will be displayed.
* Press the {MENU} button to exit.

Ya so today I woke up early to run errands and pay bills. I also bought a WRT54g-TM router because my ZyXel was getting flaky and had heating issues. I also got my oil changed at Midas and they tried to sell me a serpentine belt. They said that it needed to be replaced becasue there was a big notch knocked out of it. I looked at it and I couldn’t see anything wrong with it. I am going to look at it again and call my mechanic and have him visually inspect it as well. If it needs to be replaced then I will have him replace it, if not then Midas can go fuck themselves.

So after buying groceries and only spending $17 I went home, set up the router (I use static and I have a few ports forwarded) I was online. I will see how things go. I also think I am having issues with firefox and may need to run a repair on it as well.

One of the items I bought was OJ. It is time to do a flush of my system and I am going to do that on Tuesday. Nothing but Psyllium and OJ for 24 hours. I have also put myself on an oatmeal diet. Eating almost nothign but oatmeal. Full of fiber to fill my tummy and lots of good stuff as well. low calories. I have been doing this for a week or so now. I need to get out the scale and track my progress. I should have started when I started the diet. Darn it.

Current Music: http://jared.serveftp.net:9000/listen.pls
  
 Posted by at 12:35 am