Mar 212009
 

I haven’t felt much like writing lately even though I should. There has been a lot on my mind and shit has been happening and I have been really depressed and worried all at the same time. I have been pissed at my cell company first of all because they decided to do a second check for the payment even though I told them I would be paying cash at a tmobile store several times. The account representative didn’t tell me that a second check will be processed at any time. So now my savings account hates me and sent me a nasty letter today because it didn’t clear. It is one thing to have my phone company hate me, but I don’t need to get into my bank hating me and charging me money I don’t have. It isn’t going to be long until my phone goes away, and I don’t really need it to right about now either.

I hope I will be able to pay my car payments. It is another $150 a month (or at least that is what I am going to pay to try to get it done early).

I don’t like what has been happening at work lately. I feel like they are trying to get rid of me. I don’t feel like there is any support system or opportunity to grow at all there any more. I haven’t felt that they want me to grow within the company for a long time now, but the feeling has been stronger than ever lately. There was an incident lately where I called one of the transgender he instead of she accidentally (and this one I didn’t even know) and she went to someone to ask what to do about it, and it blew up and I was in the directors office and given the riot act and basically told that it isn’t over and going to get to the bottom of this blah blah, so that really has me in a panic now. I am feeling like that this is it. That was the last straw for them. I don’t even remember calling her a he and it was purely accidental if that was the case and now I am fucked because of it. Oh and on top of it I thought the director was talking about the other one, and I didn’t figure that out until after the meeting. And the one she was talking about I didn’t even realize was one. I am not good with names and I don’t think I have even seen the one she was talking about and if I did I didn’t even know was one. So I was sitting in the office like a fuck talking about the conversations I had with the one I knew was one and so when the director gets done with her investigations I am going to look like a fuck and get fired for sure.

The big thing is that this that I am for equal rights for all and my family has basically disowned me for things I said about the Mormon Church with their anti equal rights bullshit in Ca. This thing is hurting and cutting me deep that I said something that offended her enough to be in the director’s office. I might get fired for this. It is bullshit.

So I am in the process of updating my resume, got myself back up on Monster and Dice and started looking to see what is out there so I am ready to do this. I saw some things that look promising. The problem is that everyone and their mother is looking right now so who knows how long I will be unemployed if at all. I am almost at the point now of just looking for a job and getting something different. This job doesn’t inspire me anymore. I don’t wake up and look forward to going to work anymore. The bullshit is getting to me, making me depressed and stressed and giving me massive headaches. It is time for me to leave I think. It is pretty sad to think about that prospect. I used to love it here. I didn’t see me going anywhere else. I saw me moving up or out within the company.

I feel the stress. I am physically ill. I feel my reflux kicking in, and my body aches. Fuck this shit.
[audio: TooFarDown.mp3]
I’m down again
And I don’t know how to tell you
But maybe this time I can’t come back
Because I might be too far down

I wish for real
That I could turn it on and off
Like hot and cold and up and down
Because I’m down again

I’m too far down
I couldn’t begin to smile
Because I can’t even laugh or cry
Because I just can’t do it

If it was so easy to be happy
Why am I so down?
All I can do is sit and wonder if it’s going to end
Or if I should just go away forever

When I sit and think
I wish that I just could die
Or let someone else be happy
By setting my own self free

And you don’t want the emotion
Because the taste it leaves is for real
But nothing’s ever real until it’s gone
And I might be too far down

And is this just another thrown away
Or is this the end of the whole stupid road
But you wouldn’t want to know how I feel anyway
Because the darkest hole is at the end of the road

I’m down again
And I guess I’m not the only one who dreams
That there’s not any way to tell you
Because I might be too far down

  
Mood : happydepressed
Music : Riot Grrrl music on Pandora
 Posted by at 12:45 am
Mar 182009
 


Hey Mother
You’ve got to help me
Reach for heaven
This is hell
I’m searching
Looking for answers
Wish me well
Wish me well

Hey Father
I came here naked
Never asking to be born
Hey father
Why did you bother?
Is this all there is
Nothing more

In this house of pain
I’ve got to find some other way
Before I go insane
I want to go
Back to zero

Won’t listen to politicians
My conditions
Stay the same
Bleak wastelands
Love rots in your hands
Still we struggle on
In this savage game

In this house of pain
I’ve got to find some other way
Before I go insane
Thrust the cage
?
?

Hey mother
You’ve got to help me
Break the chains
Let me start again
?
Too much confusion
I’ve just got to get back
To where i’ve been

In this house of pain
I’ve got to find some other way
Before I go insane
Break the chains
Get away
In this house of pain
I’ve got to find
Some other way
Before I go insane
I’ve got to know
Let me go
Back to zero
Let me go
Back to zero
I want to go
Back to zero

  
Mood : happydepressed
 Posted by at 2:33 pm
Feb 182009
 

EZO – Fire Fire

In a vision I saw it was the end of it all
A dead world choking in birth
The war was over, nothing remained
Only the bones of the earth
Every castle of man had all crumbled to sand
In the big blast
All of the good things. all of the bad
Are all equal at last

Ashes to ashes and lust to dust
Smoking sheets of acid rain
Black moon is coming soon in a feast of flame
We wait our time to burn
Fire fire

Under gun metal skies I heard the innocent cries
Hot wind blistered the ground
All of the good things, all of the bad
Perished without any sound

Blinding madness, nowhere to hide
Before the killing machine
Quick death, the end of breath in a silent scream
All downed to be consumed
Fire fire

Oh no, don’t walk away now
Take a stand
Don’t make a grave of my world

Woke up in the night, saw the light
I saw a burning sky, red burning sky
Fire fire

F I R E F I R E
F I R E F I R E

So ya. Not much going on. I am just working and letting life pass me by. I did go to Daytona Beach and Nasa a couple of weeks ago. I have yet to up the pictures for it. I have been really lazy. I also got a 360 too, so that has been eating up some of my free time as well.

I like playing the grand theft auto games and running over people and imagining that they are the angry customers I talked to prior. great stress reliever.

I talked to Georgia today. She is now in a stylist place. She works at regis mon wed fri sat sun $24+

  
Mood : happyblah
Music : Iron Maiden - Wasted Years
Tv : Countdown With Keith
 Posted by at 1:31 am
Aug 192008
 

It lies here slowly
It lets you know
It lingers slowly until you know
And I’m naked in your heart
I can’t make it stop
I’m breaking in your heart
And I can’t make it stop
I’d try and I can’t make it stop
And I’d like it if you don’t ever stop
In your heart, in your heart
I feel naked in your heart

I want to make you wonder
I want to make it start
And oh when it fills with wonder
I won’t want to break it apart
And oh when the sky falls on me
And when it’s another day
I’ll want to make you want me
In always another way

I’d love to know you
And I’d love to be in your heart
Oh and i hope you’ll stay
With the love that fills your hearts
Hey . . . hey . . .
And it always makes me cry
When I see the sky, your sky

Don’t want to think about tomorrow
‘Cos I think it’s all too much
And oh if I could feel it in your touch
It’s all too much now
These dreams just make me cry
And oh if we could only try . . .
Don’t want to think about tomorrow
Ih ‘cos it makes me smile
If we could only hold on for a little while
This is the sense of calm I longed for
Oh and it makes me high
And it brings me here

  
Music : The Cranes - Adoratoin
 Posted by at 9:16 pm
Nov 122007
 

Curve – Unreadable Communication
[audio:05-UnreadableCommunication.mp3]
when you hear the way the others talk
it makes you wonder what they bothered for
when you see the way opinion swings
it makes you strive strive strive for greater things
i wasn’t born to be good enough for you
i am here to be nobody’s fool
when you see the way that loose lips talk
it makes you cry cry cry for it all to stop
i would like to invite you
to my mother’s house
to my bedroom
to play those old records
we know all the words to
and i would like you to kiss me
to crush me to lick me
till i beg you to stop
till you drive me crazy
that’s all it take
a subtle movement
that’s all it takes
to make the programme
when you hear the way loose lips talk
it makes you wonder what you bothered for
when you see the way opinion swings
it makes you strive strive strive for greater things
that’s all it takes
a subtle movement
that’s all it takes
to make the programme


Curve – Black Delilah
[audio:03-BlackDelilah.mp3]
I wish I had a letter
To prove I’m clever
Like a living will
That I fulfil
You know I hold secrets
But where does that leave us
Reaching out to the far beyond
Leaping out to the great unknown

I wish you knew better
When binds are severed
Think you’re so on it
When all you do is hum it
Reaching out to the far beyond
Leaping out to the great unknown

How do you feel?
I feel fine
How does it feel?

It feels good
What does it say?
Fuck you and go away
Oh come what may

I’m a sucker for sadness
Confessions of madness
That wash the debris away
I’ll side with the liars
And sleep with the buyers

When all else fails
I just don’t know
That I’m being bad
I only care
‘Cos I’ve been feeling sad

This is my own
This is my own
Limitation
It’s my best friend
It’s my best friend

I wish I had a letter

To prove I’m clever
Like a living will
That I fulfil
You know I hold secrets
But where does that leave us
Reaching out to the far beyond
Leaping out to the great unknown
I wish you knew better

When binds are severed
Think you’re so on it
When all you do is hum it
Reaching out to the far beyond
Leaping out to the great unknown

How do you feel?
I feel fine
How does it feel?
It feels good

What does it say?
Fuck you and go away

It’s a creepy sustainer
How they contain her
Whenever she gets in a rage
She’ll bite at the business
While crossing her fingers
And says she’s going away

She just don’t know
That she’s been feeling sad
She only cares
‘Cos she’s been being bad

This is her own
This is her own
Limitation

Current Music: Curve
  
 Posted by at 1:21 am
Nov 032007
 

Books, purses, shoes, boots, beauty and more!
Zion I & The Grouch – Bad Lands
[audio:15-BadLands.mp3]

Walk light, for these are the bad lands
Bad lands, these are the bad lands
Bad seed, castor bare of soil
Weeds run free through the golden oil
Milk outside, it’s bound to spoil
Know a couple bad girls ‘n they all adore you
Somethin’ to assure you, we’ll secure you
The television say they can do that for you
Wanna go to sleep, gotta seek a drug
Shorty on the street thinks her man’s a thug
Went and got shot cuz he need the pub
Record blew on up, tell you life is rough
Mama ain’t home, daddy doin’ dirt
Lil’ Jimmy got the fo’ fifth from the shirt
‘Bout to go bizerk, just needs some guidance
But in the bad lands, the results are violent

Rhymin’ on the corner using gun shots for snares
Bad enough lands to make punk rockers care
They don’t give a fuck just like we don’t give a fuck
Righteous man get bucked and some stopped to stare
Blood on they backs cuz they ran, just a grub on scraps
No daps, mean loves n’ a slug in the air
How many beefs wore to the point where everybody eats when it’s over, that’s rare
And in a prayer, I begged the All Mighty to spare

My daughter from fake thugs, real drugs, and players
I’ve been around that shit and I’m embarrassed
You been a town jester, that’s careless
Perilless pits I’ve dodged like it’s my job
They worship twisted gods and spit facades
To get that wad, what will you do?
Lie, cheat, steal, kill, till it kills you

[chorus:]
Tumble weeds and twisted tales
These the bad lands where the angels fail (Bad lands)
Make money, try to stop the fear
If you think it ain’t real, then you ain’t been here (Bad lands)
[x4]

This is a place where babies are hooked on drugs
Before they see the light of day
A land where doctors’ll necessarily cut them out their mothers’ stomachs
Just to make more pay
Their fathers run away
Consumed with the most ignorant shit you can think of
Cuz it’s been dangled in front their faces like a carrot to an ass
But still they know better, they’re just too scared to be outcasts
It ain’t about past; let’s talk present and future
Fuck presidents, what do you do with your power, your control?
Control yourself
Going dumb’s not really a movement, you’re really going dumb
Look at the shit they play on the radio
And got the nerve to wonder why rappers keep dying in the streets
Stop putting 2pac and Biggie on magazines until you understand the significance of why they died
Don’t ya’ll get it? Humans are bigger than they’re supposed to be
Check yourself before you come out the house holdin’ a piece,
Runnin’ off at the mouth, sayin’ trendy shit like “yes sir” and “ye ye”
Like it’s the only thing you know
Yea, that shit is fun but don’t let it be the only thing you know
Ultimately, it won’t get you anywhere and trying to get out of here
Leave these bad lands behind, get in touch with my spirit, my body, and mind
Cuz I’m divine
And if no one ever told you you were, well you are

And that’s it.

Today I got Jason Ricci and New Blood – Rocket Number 9. It is really great. Fucking brilliant really. There is a song on there that is called Mr. Satan about Sterling “Mr. Satan” MgGee.

This was another weekend wasted away. I didn’t do anything except lay on this futon and eat and watch TV. I need to do dishes and laundry and take out the trash and do stuff like that, but I was too lazy to do any of that. I am a bastard.

So another exciting entry. Lucky you!!!

Current Music: CNN
  
 Posted by at 2:20 am
Oct 302007
 

Click for larger:
Sinfest - Bringing down the house
Today was another wonderful day of doing nothing.

I slept till noon, watched Animal Cops, and then ate peanut butter and preserves sandwiches.

I watched Weeds as soon as I came home last night and Conrad finally hit it! Lucky Conrad!!! Nice to see that Nancy grew some too.

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert were on top of their game too. It is great to see such great stuff from them.

Anyway, I found out the name of the bird I had seen recently, It is a Common Moorhen!!! yay!!
Common Moorhen
Joy Division – Atmosphere

Walk in silence,
Don’t walk away, in silence.
See the danger,
Always danger,
Endless talking,
Life rebuilding,
Don’t walk away.

Walk in silence,
Don’t turn away, in silence.
Your confusion,
My illusion,
Worn like a mask of self-hate,
Confronts and then dies.
Don’t walk away.

People like you find it easy,
Naked to see,
Walking on air.
Hunting by the rivers,
Through the streets,
Every corner abandoned too soon,
Set down with due care.
Don’t walk away in silence,
Don’t walk away.

Current Music: http://jared.serveftp.net:9000/listen.pls
  
 Posted by at 11:37 pm
Aug 302007
 

[audio:05-Too Far Down]
I’m down again
And I don’t know how to tell you
But maybe this time I can’t come back
Because I might be too far down

I wish for real
That I could turn it on and off
Like hot and cold and up and down
Because I’m down again

I’m too far down
I couldn’t begin to smile
Because I can’t even laugh or cry
Because I just can’t do it

If it was so easy to be happy
Why am I so down?
All I can do is sit and wonder if it’s going to end
Or if I should just go away forever

When I sit and think
I wish that I just could die
Or let someone else be happy
By setting my own self free

And you don’t want the emotion
Because the taste it leaves is for real
But nothing’s ever real until it’s gone
And I might be too far down

And is this just another thrown away
Or is this the end of the whole stupid road
But you wouldn’t want to know how I feel anyway
Because the darkest hole is at the end of the road

I’m down again
And I guess I’m not the only one who dreams
That there’s not any way to tell you
Because I might be too far down

  
Mood : happydepressed
Music : Husker Du - Too Far Down
 Posted by at 12:03 pm
Jun 192007
 
[audio:http://whogivesacrap.net/wp-images/2007/06/chocolate.mp3]

Bate, bate, chocolate,
Tu nariz de cacahuate.
Uno, dos, tres, CHO!
Uno, dos, tres, CO!
Uno, dos, tres, LA!
Uno, dos, tres, TE!
Chocolate, chocolate!
Bate, bate, chocolate!
Bate, bate, bate, bate!
Bate, bate,
CHOCOLATE!

 bate chocolate

 bate chocolate

 bate chocolate

 bate chocolate

 bate chocolate

 bate chocolate

 bate chocolate

 bate chocolate

 bate chocolate

 bate chocolate

  
 Posted by at 3:03 am