Jan 092007

I am working an overnight shift tonight. The overnight lead had some stuff come up and so I am working for him. I am supposed to work 11-8 but I came in at 9 for a couple of hours of overtime. Today and tomorrow have been wasted, I spent today sleeping to stay awake for tonight, and tomorrow I will be sleeping to sleep.

Carrot Juice was hacked again, and not just the forums, there was a couple of other parts that was hacked as well. So, I am closing the site down, and I am going to upgrade to the latest PHPnuke and get everything back in order. I am going to probably rebuild from scratch, so it will not be the same. I am performing the back ups now, so I can then make it look reasonably close to the back up, and hopefully back up some of the links and articles and stuff.

I am feeling kind of depressed about things. Mary has really cut our communication down to something resembling an acquaintance than a friend. Our communication has gone from emailing each other many times a day with a thread or two going on to her deciding to answer maybe one of my emails, and send me something short and quick every four or five days or so. I have sent her an email asking her about something and she has chosen to ignore it completely. It was a question and not a statement. I sent it four days ago, and I sent it again tonight when she was online and I also sent her an IM and no response. I guess she is too busy with work and her boyfriend to be my friend. I feel pretty shitty and like something is dying inside of me. I don’t know what to do. I feel like the friendship isn’t there any more and no matter how much effort I have put into it, that she is just pushing me further and further away from her life. It is pretty depressing. I thought that there was something there with her, but I guess not. She is just like the others, just a passing being. In and out of my life. I need to stop thinking about it. I don’t want to cry at work. Earth Mother, turtle spirits, what should I do? Why am I destined to have this kind of life? Why do people do this to me? Give me strength to move on. Give me the courage.

The Cure – Pictures of you

I’ve been looking so long at these pictures of
you that i almost believe that they’re real I’ve
been living so long with my pictures of you that
i almost believe that the pictures are all i can

remembering you standing quiet in the rain as
i ran to your heart to be near and we kissed as
the sky fell in holding you close how i always
held close in your fear remembering you
running soft through the night you were bigger
and brighter than the snow and
screamed at the make-believe screamed at the
sky and you finally found all your courage to
let it all go

remembering you fallen into my arms crying
for the death of your heart you were stone
white so delicate lost in the cold you were
always so lost in the dark remembering you
how you used to be slow drowned you were
angels so much more than everything oh hold
for the last time then slip away quietly open
my eyes but i never see anything

if only i had thought of the right words i could
have hold on to your heart if only I’d thought of
the right words i wouldn’t be breaking apart all
my pictures of you

Looking So long at these pictures of you but i
never hold on to your heart looking so long for
the words to be true but always just breaking
apart my pictures of you

there was nothing in the world that i ever
wanted more than to feel you deep in my heart
there was nothing in the world that i ever
wanted more than to never feel the breaking
apart all my pictures of you

Mood : happydepressed
Music :  Lords of Acid - Rubber Doll Mixterpieces:b. My, But You're A Fine One(mix)
 Posted by at 1:15 am
Jan 052007

My middle sister got into an accident today. I guess she hit some black ice and slid into the car in front of her. She totaled her car but she came out of it ok. Her hand is a bit sore but nothing broken. Luckily her daughter wasn’t in the car with her. I called her during lunch and talked with her a bit. I am glad she is OK.

Today I decided to call Carol to see if she wanted to hang out with me as I went shopping at Wild Oats or Natures Finest, and she agreed, so I went down to the south side and picked her up and I got the things I needed and then we got a wrap and a smoothie and I was having fun with the sandwich maker guy and entertaining the smoothie making girls and being really silly and stuff. We went back to her place and ate and watched Star Wars 3 in Spanish and laughed and made up our own interpretation of the dialogue. Chasie stopped by right when I was leaving for work and I chatted at her for a minute. We are going to the Bunny Hop tomorrow for lunch and laughs. Should be fun and stuff and stuff.

Yesterday night I was doing some maintenance on Carrot Juice and I was looking at my incoming links list and I saw a webpage I didn’t recognise so I went there and it was a pretty nifty site, and on the site was a link to a Rolling Stone article called Boss Hog about Smithfield Foods which is the largest pig killer in the world. The article talked about the massive amounts of shit the pigs produce and how much of a massive environmental impact this is causing killing huge amounts of fish and how there have been human deaths involved with this as well. It is a pretty good article.

The first page of the article:

Smithfield Foods, the largest and most profitable pork processor in the world, killed 27 million hogs last year. That’s a number worth considering. A slaughter-weight hog is fifty percent heavier than a person. The logistical challenge of processing that many pigs each year is roughly equivalent to butchering and boxing the entire human populations of New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, Phoenix, San Antonio, San Diego, Dallas, San Jose, Detroit, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, San Francisco, Columbus, Austin, Memphis, Baltimore, Fort Worth, Charlotte, El Paso, Milwaukee, Seattle, Boston, Denver, Louisville, Washington, D.C., Nashville, Las Vegas, Portland, Oklahoma City and Tucson.

Smithfield Foods actually faces a more difficult task than transmogrifying the populations of America’s thirty-two largest cities into edible packages of meat. Hogs produce three times more excrement than human beings do. The 500,000 pigs at a single Smithfield subsidiary in Utah generate more fecal matter each year than the 1.5 million inhabitants of Manhattan. The best estimates put Smithfield’s total waste discharge at 26 million tons a year. That would fill four Yankee Stadiums. Even when divided among the many small pig production units that surround the company’s slaughterhouses, that is not a containable amount.

Smithfield estimates that its total sales will reach $11.4 billion this year. So prodigious is its fecal waste, however, that if the company treated its effluvia as big-city governments do — even if it came marginally close to that standard — it would lose money. So many of its contractors allow great volumes of waste to run out of their slope-floored barns and sit blithely in the open, untreated, where the elements break it down and gravity pulls it into groundwater and river systems. Although the company proclaims a culture of environmental responsibility, ostentatious pollution is a linchpin of Smithfield’s business model.

A lot of pig shit is one thing; a lot of highly toxic pig shit is another. The excrement of Smithfield hogs is hardly even pig shit: On a continuum of pollutants, it is probably closer to radioactive waste than to organic manure. The reason it is so toxic is Smithfield’s efficiency. The company produces 6 billion pounds of packaged pork each year. That’s a remarkable achievement, a prolificacy unimagined only two decades ago, and the only way to do it is to raise pigs in astonishing, unprecedented concentrations.

Smithfield’s pigs live by the hundreds or thousands in warehouse-like barns, in rows of wall-to-wall pens. Sows are artificially inseminated and fed and delivered of their piglets in cages so small they cannot turn around. Forty fully grown 250-pound male hogs often occupy a pen the size of a tiny apartment. They trample each other to death. There is no sunlight, straw, fresh air or earth. The floors are slatted to allow excrement to fall into a catchment pit under the pens, but many things besides excrement can wind up in the pits: afterbirths, piglets accidentally crushed by their mothers, old batteries, broken bottles of insecticide, antibiotic syringes, stillborn pigs — anything small enough to fit through the foot-wide pipes that drain the pits. The pipes remain closed until enough sewage accumulates in the pits to create good expulsion pressure; then the pipes are opened and everything bursts out into a large holding pond.

The temperature inside hog houses is often hotter than ninety degrees. The air, saturated almost to the point of precipitation with gases from shit and chemicals, can be lethal to the pigs. Enormous exhaust fans run twenty-four hours a day. The ventilation systems function like the ventilators of terminal patients: If they break down for any length of time, pigs start dying.

From Smithfield’s point of view, the problem with this lifestyle is immunological. Taken together, the immobility, poisonous air and terror of confinement badly damage the pigs’ immune systems. They become susceptible to infection, and in such dense quarters microbes or parasites or fungi, once established in one pig, will rush spritelike through the whole population. Accordingly, factory pigs are infused with a huge range of antibiotics and vaccines, and are doused with insecticides. Without these compounds — oxytetracycline, draxxin, ceftiofur, tiamulin — diseases would likely kill them. Thus factory-farm pigs remain in a state of dying until they’re slaughtered. When a pig nearly ready to be slaughtered grows ill, workers sometimes shoot it up with as many drugs as necessary to get it to the slaughterhouse under its own power. As long as the pig remains ambulatory, it can be legally killed and sold as meat.

The drugs Smithfield administers to its pigs, of course, exit its hog houses in pig shit. Industrial pig waste also contains a host of other toxic substances: ammonia, methane, hydrogen sulfide, carbon monoxide, cyanide, phosphorous, nitrates and heavy metals. In addition, the waste nurses more than 100 microbial pathogens that can cause illness in humans, including salmonella, cryptosporidium, streptocolli and girardia. Each gram of hog shit can contain as much as 100 million fecal coliform bacteria.

Smithfield’s holding ponds — the company calls them lagoons — cover as much as 120,000 square feet. The area around a single slaughterhouse can contain hundreds of lagoons, some of which run thirty feet deep. The liquid in them is not brown. The interactions between the bacteria and blood and afterbirths and stillborn piglets and urine and excrement and chemicals and drugs turn the lagoons pink.

Even light rains can cause lagoons to overflow; major floods have transformed entire counties into pig-shit bayous. To alleviate swelling lagoons, workers sometimes pump the shit out of them and spray the waste on surrounding fields, which results in what the industry daintily refers to as “overapplication.” This can turn hundreds of acres — thousands of football fields — into shallow mud puddles of pig shit. Tree branches drip with pig shit.

Some pig-farm lagoons have polyethylene liners, which can be punctured by rocks in the ground, allowing shit to seep beneath the liners and spread and ferment. Gases from the fermentation can inflate the liner like a hot-air balloon and rise in an expanding, accelerating bubble, forcing thousands of tons of feces out of the lagoon in all directions.

Article is continued here:

Anyway, I was really shocked to see this come from a mainstream magazine like Rolling Stone and at the same time I am happy that they published an article like this. Rolling Stone has millions of readers and I am sure that they open up a lot of eyes to the tortures and environmental impact that eating meat produces.

I personally am going to buy this issue and also write a letter to them thanking them for allowing such a piece to be published.

Mood : happycrazy
Music : http://jared.serveftp.net:9000/listen.pls
Tv : avs vs. Lightning (go Avs!)
 Posted by at 11:38 pm
Nov 172006

I am seriously fucked.

Both my cable and cell phone bills didn’t get paid due to insufficient funds. I am so fucked. I know I should have waited to buy the TV. That is $500+ dollars I wasted that I could have used to pay the bills. I will get caught up by the end of December but I might not be with a phone until sometime in the middle of December. I have to pay cable next week. I have to no matter what.

This weekend I accomplished absolutely nothing. Nothing. No dishes, no laundry, no cleaning, no cleaning the tank. nothing. It is weird because I kept myself busy the entire time, but there is really nothing to show for it.

I have really been enjoying my new TV. I am glad I have it, I just wish that I am not in the financial peril I am in now. I will be better in a few months, with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New years being double time and a half, and bonus coming around the corner too.

I got my hair cut on Tuesday. it is short and spiky on top. I took some pics but have not uploaded them yet. I will soon. I spent a lot of time getting the Ricci pictures uploaded.

I really like my TV.

Mood : happyworried
Music : http://jared.serveftp.net:9000/listen.pls
 Posted by at 4:30 am
Sep 012006

So I am facing a tough decision.

I am thinking about going back to my SK2. The main reason why is the SK3 is simply not loud enough. I am constantly and consistantly missing my phone calls. The loudest volume on the SK3 sounds like the lowest volume on the SK2. It is pretty sad. The people who tested these things must have been in a pretty quiet room. I will have my TV on and be awake and I can’t hear the thing go off. Despite all the new features that I love on the three, if I can’t hear my phone ring then what is the use of even having a phone?

Quickly brousing the hiptop forums, I am not the only one that thinks that way.

I am very disapointed to let the SK3 go like that. I don’t know what else to do. Maybe I will get the second line and put the sk3 on that and not worry about it. That way I have the phone, and the features of the sk3.

Current Music: Groovesalad at somafm.com
 Posted by at 12:03 am
Aug 032006

I bought my memory today. It should be pretty good memory and I got it at a decent price too. It is OCZ Platinum Edition PC-3200 and if it works well, then I am going to buy the same kind for \master as well.
I hope that they ship it, they are another company which ships to addresses that are on the card. i called my bank today to inquire about that, and although they have my physical address on file, they are not able to have two addresses as being addresses through their system, I asked him to put a note on the account to have the physical be an additional address, so we will see how that works.

I requested 3 day, hopefully they ship tommorow. I need to move files off the laptop. \gravy is crying like a little baby about how my docs partition is full.

Yesterday I met up with my friend Robyn, we went to Chillis and had burgers and lots of drinks. I had four strong rum and cokes and was taking random pictures with my sk3 (pictures to come) and was having general fun like that.

Today was fucking slammed. That is all I have to say about that.

Current Music: Howie B - Hey Jack
 Posted by at 11:38 pm
Jun 112006

Today has been the day of escelations.

I have taken at least seven escelatoins that my tired brain can remember. I have probably really have taken more like 10 or 15.

And on top of that I went to Carrot Juice around eigthtish, and I was getting a couple of file not found errors. So I was like shit, did I accidently delete files? I ftp to the sites and notice that there are fewer files there than I remember, I go to where I see it is reporting the missing files and I realise that I need to reupload the files, so I download the new version of nuke and I decide to go to Who gives A Crap and that was giving me errors as well, so fuck, I downloaded wordpress too, and I fucking went to lunch. This is all I need, my fucking ass is fucked because of the escelations I have taken and then I am double fucked by two black studs over the fact that my sites have been fucked too, I can’t figure out why they aer fuckedd either because they wre working before I went to work. Bah. So I get back to lunch and Carrot Juice is now acting like I can’t even get to it anymore, saying I don’t have access, same with who gives a crap, and I am getting a password error on ftp as well. I am like shit shit shit. what the fuck is going on? Now I am thinking that my account has been compromised and someone has completely deleted my account.

So I go to surpass, look in the forums and see if someone else is complaining about it, no, so I open up a ticket and advise them of the situation, ask them to restore at least the basic account and let me know of the new password if I need it, I am fucking feeling really fucked right now. This is not good, with the continuing escelations I am getting and not being able to take care of my shit and thinking about all the work I have to do to the sites and shit. I got an email about thirty minutes later from Surpass, for some reason the server wasn’t reading the file structure of the attached drives, adn a reboot fixed it.

Yay! Such a fucking relief! And everything was there and back in order.

So in two hours I am going to be throwing back a couple of Jim Bem and cokes and shit. I need it after that fucking scare and the night I have been having on the phone.


So yesterday I bought another 300 gig sata seagate drive, and a four port sata raid card, found a good deal on an adaptec. I have less than 10 gigs left on my 600 gig striped drives. That will make almost a tera just for the sata drives, not including the 200 and 120 gigs already in \master.

I need to decide wether to buy another board or to buy memory that is compatible for the board I have now.

Anyway, that is my day from hell. I need alcohol, and I need sex. I need both at the same time too.

Current Music: http://jared.serveftp.net:9000/listen.pls
 Posted by at 12:20 am
May 312006

Tonight I cleaned my turtle tank and ate Amy’s enchaladas and turtle moutain soy ice cream and stuffed myself. I also watched Bagdad ER and Last Letters Home on HBO on demand. For those of you that has HBO on Demand I recomend you spend an hourof your time and watch Last Letters Home (in the documenteries). It is really good and touching. Ten families read the last letters they recieve from thier loved ones who died in Iraq. It will make you cry. Bagdad ER was also really good. It was pretty bloody and showed you real injuries and what really happens over there.

Anyway, not much is going on with me right now, just work and sleep and being lazy. I need to clean my apartment, but I am too lazy to even do that. On Tuesday I mailed my camera in to be repaired. Hopefully the repair will be covered under warentee, however I have a feeling it isn’t.

Current Music: A-Team
 Posted by at 4:22 am