May 132016

So on Tuesday of last week I went to get my brakes done, cost me $260. When I was paying the man mentioned to me that it may be time to change my timing belt as well. Well, Thursday on my way to work guess what happened? My car stopped working. I had to get it towed to the shop on Friday, 16 miles already $103 in the hole. Guess what was wrong? That is right, timing belt slipped. In all this cost me $2400. $2400!! Timing belt replacement, they also replaced water pump, temperature sensor, freon, oil, radiator fluid, spark plugs, I also had to get the valves replaced and piston heads smoothed out. It took them a week to get it all fixed.

Luckily I was able to work from home, except I have computer/internet problems, so I took ~4 days of my vacation because of it. So that cost me even more. I lost $2400 plus 4 days on Spain. I am fucking depressed about this. I am getting my work computer reimaged next week so hopefully that fixes that.

I have been sad and upset this last week and on top of that Miriam has been upset with me and yelling at me because she thinks I could have prevented this by having the belt replaced a lot sooner, maybe she is right however that does nothing to yell and push blame on me.


May 062016

Ugh, my car broke down on the way to work today. It just stopped working when I was stopped at a light and wouldn’t start back up again. It was weird because the lights didn’t come on my car that normally comes on when the engine stops. Fortunately there was a cop that pulled up not long after and he pushed me to a parking lot, and it was on the way for my other workmate so he picked me up to take me to work. I have my dad meeting me there to take me home. I have gas, I have oil in the engine, and the other fluids looked good. Over the last few weeks I have noticed that the engine has been running funny. I have thought that the plugs and wires need to be replaced since they haven’t been done, and they still need to be done. So we will see what comes up and I will have the mechanic do that as well. I am hoping that it isn’t too expensive. I am trying to save to go back to Spain.

What really sucks is on Tuesday I had my brakes done and spent $260 to replace my rear drums and pads, so that on top of this cost is going to eat my lunch. I am thinking it is time for another car. I have over 145K miles on this one, have had it for 8 years, so it is time. I really need chocolate. I really do. Please someone send me a couple pounds of it.

I really need to get off my ass and make some videos. I could have done it yesterday but I decided to rest and sleep all day instead. I think it is partly the medicine I am on. It doesn’t do good things for me I think. I am not taking it daily anymore because of the side effects, and I probably shouldn’t have taken it today because it makes it hard for me to think.

Current Music: Young Turks
Mood : happyworried
Tv : Young Turks
May 012016

Ok, starting from scratch today.

The other week I went to the doctor for a checkup. I mentioned I was having difficulty losing weight and asked him for something. He gave me something all right. This pill he gave me sucks. It makes me nervous, keeps me awake at night, gives me cotton mouth, and other side effects. Yes, I have been less hungry, so it does that but it is a stimulant of the nervous system as well. Because of lack of sleep I have also been really tired as well. I don’t know if I can keep on taking this pill because of what it is doing to me, or take it less often. Weight loss has been a struggle for me. I started off a few years ago at 230, got down to just below 200 and then gained it back in the last few months. I have bad knees and ankles, so doing anything like running or the like is very difficult for me and even with all the walking I do, it still causes my knees to hurt badly. I just wish I could lose 100 lbs and be done with it.

I keep on changing the things I eat. Lately it is my usual breakfast of tostada con tomatoe y avocado, a cup of coffee and unsweetened soy milk. Lunch and dinner during my work week is salads with a fat free dressing, my mixed nuts (dry almonds, pumpkin seeds, chia seeds, and flax seeds) about ΒΌ cup of that, a kiwi or two or banana, and usually a thing of peanut butter crackers or nature bar, and a couple of schweppes lemon lime soda water. Hopefully eating more salad helps me lose this belly.

I have also been suffering from Tennis elbow the last month or so and everytime I bump my elbow it worsens it. Yesterday was a particularly bad day for me.

I am excited that Game of Thrones is back on, problem is I work when it is on, so to keep from spoilers, no social media after it has started until after I watched the episode the next morning. I wish it was on HBO go by the time I get home from work to watch it, but no such luck. I have to sleep on it. Is Jon Snow revived yet? When are the dragons going to raise hell on the night walkers? When will I see Brandon again? All these questions!!

I don’t know if I mentioned this or not but I have been getting back into waze. I spend way too long editing maps again, way too much time. I told myself an hour a day and here I am spending 4+ hours. There is better use of my time. Shame! Shame! Shame! I need to use that time watching and learning for further education. I am tired of this dead end job. I have been here 5 years. No raise, no nothing. Just a tool and a fool.

I miss the beach. I miss Florida and I miss Spain. I really need to get the fuck out of Oklahoma. I hate it here. I hate the commute, I hate the cold and snow, and I hate living out in the middle of nowhere. I really need to work on getting myself in shape to get out of there. I have a house of stuff I need to go through and get rid of stuff. I should have started months ago, now that things are warming up it would be a great time to do so.

The other day I had to reinstall the rom on my phone. It was running really slow and the GPS was going squirrely, so it was time. It sucks to have to redo all the apps and settings, and it takes a lot of time. I have it mostly done, there are a few apps I have yet to login to and get reset up, the main ones are done though.

I also have some car work to do, rear brakes, and I think it is time to change my spark plugs and wires, because it drives kind of funny when I accelerate. I also have to change the oil. I did recently replace the speakers, it was time. One of the speakers that was in there had a big hole and tear in it and the rears weren’t working at all. I need to troubleshoot to see why the sub isn’t working. Hopefully it is something easy and not expensive.

Ok, I think that is it for today. We will see what tomorrow brings.

May 012016

Ok, so a lot more time that I wanted went by.. I did get a video in the can, but that is about the extent of it. I don’t know why I let my weekends slip by on me like that. I still need to put together Computron. I have a couple holes to drill still, and then assembly.

I really need to get more videos done, I have a few I need to edit as well, I have been doing them in a much slower pace than I have wanted to, all because I feel disappointed that I have had so little viewers and feedback. It seems like every project I have done has been a failure. This one included, even though it has been slightly better than others. I get a couple of likes but no shares on the posts. Very little comments in general. My biggest amount of feedback is instagram, least is facebook, and now with facebook starting to fuck with instagram timelines, I have a feeling that instagram feedback is going to drop like a rock. I just wish I got a bit more love, especially from my friends.

Speaking of friends, I lost another one. She decided her god was more important than our friendship. I needed her to go with me to the Bernie rally and even said it was important, but that didn’t phase her. I was willing to miss work for it, but to her church was more important. Really disappointing, especially since we were friends for 15 years. There are 52 weeks out of the year, she could have missed church one week. It makes me a stronger atheist, that is for sure.

This is taking me longer to write than I intended it to. I really need to get back in the habit. I really do. I guess I will get this posted because I am a loser like that.

Mar 152016

So today to celebrate pi day I made pie! Blueberry chocolate chip pie to be exact. I haven’t gotten to cut into it yet because I finished it right before work. I was going to just bake it and then post a picture, but I decided to go ahead and make a video even though I did a blueberry chocolate chip cobbler a few months ago.

pi pie

pi pie

Oh, if you didn’t already know, for the last couple of years I have been putting my fat ugly face in front of a video camera and cooking. It was actually something I was going to do when I was still living in Florida (I actually painted my kitchen and everything) but I never did do any actual videos. Well I finally started doing it, to very limited success and audience. I am slowly building an audience on my social medias but I am not really feeling it on the site. About a year ago or so I moved my videos off of youtube, but I am thinking about moving them back just because of the sheer numbers there and more chance to catch eyeballs.

This weekend I have another video I want to make and I need to get Computron back up and running. It has been down for way too long. I have most of what I need to get done done. I have videos to edit. Darn it!

Current Music: The Young Turks
Mood : happycalm
Music : The Young Turks
Mar 122016

Sometimes my job frustrates me to no end. There is a group we support that seems to be the laziest group. They are also very understaffed, they can go home whenever they want, and we end up taking the wrath for that. Today I got a call from someone who called yesterday to have his phone provisioned and the ticket wasn’t even touched today. The group left around noon, and I got to hear the brunt. I am still not happy about it and earlier I was pretty pissed, not only the way that asshole treated me but also because of the ongoing lack of action from the group we support. I also have a funny feeling that even though there was nothing I could do, this is going to end up coming back to me for some reason.

I have a feeling that a rum and coke is in my near future.

I am really concerned with what has happened in this country. The grand canyon divide that has happened. I think it started with Bush jr, but it very well could have started with Reagan. The 24 hour news media has done nothing but fuel this divide for ratings and views. Sensationalism sells but causes discontent and divide. Fox news and their anti obama rhetoric has put jet fuel on top of this ever growing fire, and now we have Trump pouring more gasoline on top. His rallies have gotten increasingly more violent and we have people getting punched, shoved and beaten. He fuels the mob with his words saying shit like he would punch them himself, and in the past we would have taken care of this other ways, and that he would pay people their court costs if they cause violence. People are starting to get tired of it and today was a big counter protest in Chicago. I have a feeling this is going to get bigger and bigger and we are going to start having riots in the streets. I don’t know what is going to happen, but I am more afraid and more wanting to move out of country. If Trump becomes president, this country will be a disaster.

Current Music: The Young Turks
Mood : happyaggravated
Music : The Young Turks
 Posted by at 12:26 am
Mar 112016

My weekends are usually a bust. This weekend was no exception. Tuesday was payday so I spent a lot of it out buying groceries and stuff. I woke up early and was out of the house by 9. I wanted to go to The Earth and have their scramble mountain for breakfast, especially since it was cold and rainy. By the time I got there they were all sold out. So disappointing. I ended up having a couple cliff bars for breakfast. I also wanted to get all my errands done before 1, didn’t get home until like 3. And I pretty much slept the rest of the night and most of the next day. I have a lot I need to do as well, need to clean and get my computer up and going, I also have food I need to make too. I am tired of buying groceries for recipes and having to throw out food because it goes bad.

I really didn’t eat much this weekend either. Not as much as I could have. I don’t think I ate breakfast yesterday either. I had my coffee, but didn’t end up eating anything of substance until later in the day.

So that was my weekend. So exciting! I really need to get my shit together. I have a lot of things I need to do. A lot of things and I am a lazy ass.

Current Music: The Young Turks
Mood : happylazy
Music : The Young Turks
Mar 082016

I have been living in Oklahoma for almost 5 years now. I really need to start considering my living situation and decide where to go next. When I moved to Florida I really didn’t want to come back here, and was conned in coming back. I should have stayed in Florida, I think I would be in a much better much happier place than I am at now. I don’t know if I would have been at the same job in Florida or not because of the work politics, however. I miss my feet in the sand, the beautiful sunsets, the taste, smell, and feel of the salt water on my skin.

I did get to go to Spain a couple of times over the last couple of years, so I haven’t been fully deprived of the beach, and I am working on trying to go back soon. The details I am going to save for another post when I have a lot more time to write down my thoughts, however the time I spent there was for the most part enjoyable, and it made me fall madly deeply in love with Spain. It was my perfect place to be. Mountains, beach, warm weather, warm water, cool old buildings, history, art. It doesn’t snow in the beach area, but it does in the mountains, doesn’t rain much. The big downside is it is a different country and they make it really difficult for people in the US to gain citizenship and get jobs there. So that is a big challenge for me.

I have talked about Florida and talked about Spain. It would be easier to move back to Florida, but to be in Spain, to be so close to all that history and art and beautiful country, would be something that I would love to experience. I wish I had traveled more, lived in Europe when I was younger. I know those what ifs suck, but I really need to change my situation, I am so unhappy here.

Current Music: The Young Turks
Mood : happycontemplative
Music : The Young Turks
Mar 072016

So right now my main computer is down. I bought an all in one cooler for it and despite doing a bunch of research to make sure it would fit, it doesn’t. I spent $100 on it, so it isn’t like I want to return it. The radiator is too small, and the holes don’t’ match up. So I am working on making brackets to attach to the case and to the radiator. Been working on drilling holes and stuff to make it fit. I need to get back up soon. I have videos that I need to edit and other tasks that only it can handle. Hopefully I can get it all back up soon. It has been down for way too long now. I might take pictures of the box later.

There is so much that I want to put down in paper, but I don’t give myself enough time to be able to do so. So much that I need to let out, to see in black and white. I need to start dictating it to my phone and let google do the hard work I guess.

Yesterday I talked about my diet problems. I am trying to get a hold on this. Today I ate my normal breakfast of half a demibaguette toasted with shredded tomato, avocado, olive oil and sea salt. I also had coffee with chocolate soy milk, and a banana Lunch was some dal and potato curry I made myself, I also had 10 peanut butter crackers, A salad with organic sugar free dressing, a lemon lime sparkling water and a coke zero. Once I am done with this pack of coke I need to stop buying it. I know the artificial sweetener is hurting. Breakfast usually doesn’t change much, sometimes I have fruit, but not usually. I used to be really good in eating fruit, I need to get back into eating much more fruit, and nuts as well. That might be another part of my problem.

Current Music: The Young Turks
Mood : happytired
Music : The Young Turks
Mar 052016

I really need to get off of my sugar addiction. I have been trying to lose weight for a couple years now. At my lowest was in 2015 I weighed 199 lbs. When I started I was 235. I am around there again now (I haven’t weighed myself in 2 weeks). I am afraid I might even be more. The sugar has me. I can’t eat just one portion, can’t eat just one cookie. I need to start buying fruit and not sweets when I have those grocery store runs. I want to be 135 again. Why can’t I control my urges? I am fucking way the fuck out of control. I bought 4 boxes of thin mints last week, all gone by The. I will eat a box of ice cream sandwiches, a pint of ice cream, I will eat 3 packages of pop tarts in one day. I have to stop bringing money to work, have to stop this.

I don’t know how much I will write about my diet, but I really need to lose weight and I think it is necessary for me to put it on paper, if I dare call myself out on this shit. That is the problem, denial, guilt, needing to change, but not actually changing. Putting it off, saying I will start tomorrow, next week, no next week, and then it is two months and 10 lbs later.

I have a fitbit and mostly log my foods on myfitnesspal. I need to be a lot more honest in my logging though. I am only hurting myself otherwise.

Current Music:
Mood : happydetermined
Music :